Today is miserable. I overslept, look like crap, have cramps from HELL and my coworkers are working my last nerve. Thank god I have a three day weekend coming up. All I want to do today is eat the scrumptious birthday cake in the break room and taco bell, then go home and lay it down for the night. No such luck. I have to get my hair trimmed tonight and dye my hair. Probably doing laundry too. I really want to work out tonight but I am overdosing on midol and it's not even helping a little. Ugh. I hate being a negative Nancy today but I can't shake this funk. Any suggestions? Here is what is keeping me sane:
Thinking about being off work for three days!
Cincinnati Children's Choir concert and reunion tomorrow night. I am sure it will be hours of reminiscing with some of my favorite people.
Sleeping in on Sunday! No choir this week.
Having lunch with Nicole, Brad and Don from my old branch. I seriously miss them so much.
I'm thinking way ahead here, but I get to see my Andy Poo on memorial day weekend!
I get to see THE SHINS June 9th!!
And I get to see Florence in July!!!
Friday, March 16, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Torn
If there's one thing constant in my life, it is the fact that I'm rarely satisfied. I am deeply, deeply unsatisfied right now with a few things in my life. The major one being my work...
I had the MOST INCREDIBLE WEEKEND I may have ever had in my life last weekend. I went to Ann Arbor, MI with MUSE. I felt like it was a dream. Everything was amazing. The car ride up was fun. I rode with Kate and Emily and it was awesome singing classic rock songs, practicing our music, and getting to know each other on a different level. We arrived in beautiful Ann Arbor that afternoon and had a little bit of time to see University of Michigan's campus, which is gorgeous. We had a great rehearsal, then time to rest and get dressed and headed to a dinner that was catered in for us. The concert that night was very inspiring and got me very emotional. Sunday morning we did two concerts at their church services and were able to listen to Randy Roberts Potts speak. What a treat. I cried the whole morning. He really made me feel like I need to do more. Look him up, please! Hear what he has to say. We had an amazing brunch at Zingerman's Roadhouse before we went home. It was just awesome. It left me thinking that there has to be more to life than being a corporate monkey. There has to be more than making money that someone else gets to enjoy. There has to be more than being a human robot who doesn't matter anyway. There has to be a way to enjoy what I do and actually make a difference in the life of people who are less fortunate than me.
I am committing to myself that I will start soul searching so that I can find that. My new branch is just as much of a drag as the last one. Yes I make a good living, but for what? To hate 40 hours of my life every week? Something has to give.
I also decided that I'm going to start Weight Watchers again. I need the discipline that comes with a program like that. I need to be accountable to weighing in front of someone else. I really want to be at my goal weight by the end of September. I want to reach that goal before I make any other major changes in my life, which I want to do after my vacations this year.
I feel as though I am one of the most blessed and fortunate people in the whole world. I don't take that for granted for a single minute. I want to share that wealth. I want to pour all of this love out into the world. I want to find a way to share my passion in a way that makes a difference!
I had the MOST INCREDIBLE WEEKEND I may have ever had in my life last weekend. I went to Ann Arbor, MI with MUSE. I felt like it was a dream. Everything was amazing. The car ride up was fun. I rode with Kate and Emily and it was awesome singing classic rock songs, practicing our music, and getting to know each other on a different level. We arrived in beautiful Ann Arbor that afternoon and had a little bit of time to see University of Michigan's campus, which is gorgeous. We had a great rehearsal, then time to rest and get dressed and headed to a dinner that was catered in for us. The concert that night was very inspiring and got me very emotional. Sunday morning we did two concerts at their church services and were able to listen to Randy Roberts Potts speak. What a treat. I cried the whole morning. He really made me feel like I need to do more. Look him up, please! Hear what he has to say. We had an amazing brunch at Zingerman's Roadhouse before we went home. It was just awesome. It left me thinking that there has to be more to life than being a corporate monkey. There has to be more than making money that someone else gets to enjoy. There has to be more than being a human robot who doesn't matter anyway. There has to be a way to enjoy what I do and actually make a difference in the life of people who are less fortunate than me.
I am committing to myself that I will start soul searching so that I can find that. My new branch is just as much of a drag as the last one. Yes I make a good living, but for what? To hate 40 hours of my life every week? Something has to give.
I also decided that I'm going to start Weight Watchers again. I need the discipline that comes with a program like that. I need to be accountable to weighing in front of someone else. I really want to be at my goal weight by the end of September. I want to reach that goal before I make any other major changes in my life, which I want to do after my vacations this year.
I feel as though I am one of the most blessed and fortunate people in the whole world. I don't take that for granted for a single minute. I want to share that wealth. I want to pour all of this love out into the world. I want to find a way to share my passion in a way that makes a difference!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
"Open up. Everything's Waiting for you!"
Wow. It's been a really long time (even for me) since my last post. So much has been going on, I haven't really had the energy to just write. But I wanted to at least post and update what's going on.
So here's what's been going on. I had my wisdom teeth pulled last Friday. Not a good time. It wasn't nearly as easy breezy as people led me to believe it would be and my mouth actually still hurts some. But it is done now and that's one thing I was able to cross off my to do list as far as health concerns go.
A couple weeks ago, I had the sonohysteogram (sp?). It sucked. But it came out that everything is normal and that is a huge relief since I do want to have children. That left my doctor with no answers, yet again. So we decided to give Lysteda a try, which is a drug used to treat heavy periods. It didn't really work. It helped lighten my period, but it never stopped. I finally just called and asked him to give me the pill. He prescribed Ortho Tri Cyclen and so far it hasn't made me crazy. Also, so far, it hasn't completely stopped the bleeding. I think it will eventually though. And if it doesn't soon, I'll be seeing him again. I still have an appointment with the endo lady next month. I already feel better though and my energy levels have majorly increased, and for now I am happy with that.
I also got my third fill this past Monday. I am feeling more restriction now, but not yet to what I'd consider my "green zone." I am down 25 pounds now and can feel and see the results now. I'm happy with my progress and I know that I'm taking much better care of my body now and making the right decisions for it now. I've been working out more since I finally have energy!
Lastly, today is my last day at my Crescent Springs branch. I'm so excited for Monday! It doesn't seem real just yet, and I'm not sure when it will. I guess it will once it becomes real. We had a little going away potluck party for me yesterday and a lot of my good customers have said they will follow me to my new branch. I feel so positive that things are looking up. I am so happy with where I am right now and with where I'm going. It's been a very long time since I've felt so completely happy and just good about everything overall.
I have a concert tonight and then a jam packed day full of St. John's choir stuff tomorrow. I have a very busy week ahead of me with my new job, and of course choir stuff then I'll be in Ann Arbor all weekend with MUSE! Can't wait for my first out of town trip with my ladies! <3 <3 <3
So here's what's been going on. I had my wisdom teeth pulled last Friday. Not a good time. It wasn't nearly as easy breezy as people led me to believe it would be and my mouth actually still hurts some. But it is done now and that's one thing I was able to cross off my to do list as far as health concerns go.
A couple weeks ago, I had the sonohysteogram (sp?). It sucked. But it came out that everything is normal and that is a huge relief since I do want to have children. That left my doctor with no answers, yet again. So we decided to give Lysteda a try, which is a drug used to treat heavy periods. It didn't really work. It helped lighten my period, but it never stopped. I finally just called and asked him to give me the pill. He prescribed Ortho Tri Cyclen and so far it hasn't made me crazy. Also, so far, it hasn't completely stopped the bleeding. I think it will eventually though. And if it doesn't soon, I'll be seeing him again. I still have an appointment with the endo lady next month. I already feel better though and my energy levels have majorly increased, and for now I am happy with that.
I also got my third fill this past Monday. I am feeling more restriction now, but not yet to what I'd consider my "green zone." I am down 25 pounds now and can feel and see the results now. I'm happy with my progress and I know that I'm taking much better care of my body now and making the right decisions for it now. I've been working out more since I finally have energy!
Lastly, today is my last day at my Crescent Springs branch. I'm so excited for Monday! It doesn't seem real just yet, and I'm not sure when it will. I guess it will once it becomes real. We had a little going away potluck party for me yesterday and a lot of my good customers have said they will follow me to my new branch. I feel so positive that things are looking up. I am so happy with where I am right now and with where I'm going. It's been a very long time since I've felt so completely happy and just good about everything overall.
I have a concert tonight and then a jam packed day full of St. John's choir stuff tomorrow. I have a very busy week ahead of me with my new job, and of course choir stuff then I'll be in Ann Arbor all weekend with MUSE! Can't wait for my first out of town trip with my ladies! <3 <3 <3
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Movin' on UP!!!!!!!!!
I'm posting about the fan-freaking-tastic news that I got yesterday!!! I am officially being promoted to be a small business specialist at another branch in my district. What that means is that I will not only deal with consumer accounts and products, but I will be the primary source that businesses go to if they need help or if they need (hopefully) new accounts and products. I've been wanting to go to this particular branch since I started with the company, mostly because it is one of the busiest branches in the area. I used to work on the east side of town, and did very well with the clientele there. I think this is exactly what I need to revamp my career and be more successful. I'm so excited about this challenge and I feel like everything is really finally turning around. I know that if I keep having faith that where I am is exactly where I'm supposed to be, everything will always turn out ok. I'm going to keep working hard on my career, my health, my entire life and be the best ME I can be.
I'm really excited for this weekend. I get to perform with MUSE on Saturday AND Sunday!! I also get to see Robyn Lana, aka my mentor, who is the founding director of Cincinnati Children's Choir. They are performing right before us on Saturday. I will probably cry seeing her in the audience just because she is home to me and I'm so proud to still be doing what she taught me to do and love. I must say, 2012 is looking bright!!!
And, last but not least, I FINALLY GET TO SEE THE SHINS IN JUNE!!!!!!!!!!! Nuff said.
I'm really excited for this weekend. I get to perform with MUSE on Saturday AND Sunday!! I also get to see Robyn Lana, aka my mentor, who is the founding director of Cincinnati Children's Choir. They are performing right before us on Saturday. I will probably cry seeing her in the audience just because she is home to me and I'm so proud to still be doing what she taught me to do and love. I must say, 2012 is looking bright!!!
And, last but not least, I FINALLY GET TO SEE THE SHINS IN JUNE!!!!!!!!!!! Nuff said.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
What I've Learned
I've learned that being able to sing music that not only inspires me, but reflects my belief system, has been one of the greatest gifts I've ever received.
I've learned that I must always be reading a good book. Even if it takes me 3 months to finish. I find great peace and solace in reading.
I've learned that it's ok to cry.
I've also learned that it's ok to cut myself some slack sometimes. And to take a break.
I'm learning to be happy in the now. And that this is not a rat race. Not for me.
I've learned that no matter what is going on, snuggling in bed with my cats will always make everything better.
I've learned that there is time for all I want to achieve and do. I just can't do it ALL right now. :)
I've learned that above and beyond everything else, I will always be thankful for what I have and for all the amazing people I have in my life.
I've learned that I must always be reading a good book. Even if it takes me 3 months to finish. I find great peace and solace in reading.
I've learned that it's ok to cry.
I've also learned that it's ok to cut myself some slack sometimes. And to take a break.
I'm learning to be happy in the now. And that this is not a rat race. Not for me.
I've learned that no matter what is going on, snuggling in bed with my cats will always make everything better.
I've learned that there is time for all I want to achieve and do. I just can't do it ALL right now. :)
I've learned that above and beyond everything else, I will always be thankful for what I have and for all the amazing people I have in my life.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
I've been a bad blogger, but what else is new? Honestly, I haven't even had the strength to go to a choir rehearsal this week, let alone type. I'm lucky I've made it to work. Everything that is going on with my health is really taking it's toll on me.
My doctor decided to check my thyroid and my blood to see if I'm anemic. That was done on Tuesday and I got the results back yesterday. Both came back fine. I was very frustrated by that only because I thought maybe, just maybe there was something we could start treating and that I'd start to feel better soon. No dice. I can sleep for ten hours a night and I will still feel exhausted. No matter what I do. And nothing is working right. So on Valentine's Day (lucky me) I get to have a sonohysteogram. This is a fancy shmancy word for ultra sound that is just able to see more than a normal one. After that, we should know if I have something structurely wrong with me or if it's just hormonal. I could have some type of tumor or just have a very thick endometrium. That's what they'll know after that. I am seeing an endocrinologist sooner than April because my amazing director is helping me get into someone she knows personally. All I know is that all of this is making me miserable, tired and very irritable. I don't even like myself right now. I just want to feel normal!
I get my next fill on Monday, so that's good! I'm kind of laying low this weekend to rest and then next week I work all week, have rehearsals and performances next weekend. I'm tired thinking about it, but I hope I can pull it together enough to be with my choirs. I miss them!!!
My doctor decided to check my thyroid and my blood to see if I'm anemic. That was done on Tuesday and I got the results back yesterday. Both came back fine. I was very frustrated by that only because I thought maybe, just maybe there was something we could start treating and that I'd start to feel better soon. No dice. I can sleep for ten hours a night and I will still feel exhausted. No matter what I do. And nothing is working right. So on Valentine's Day (lucky me) I get to have a sonohysteogram. This is a fancy shmancy word for ultra sound that is just able to see more than a normal one. After that, we should know if I have something structurely wrong with me or if it's just hormonal. I could have some type of tumor or just have a very thick endometrium. That's what they'll know after that. I am seeing an endocrinologist sooner than April because my amazing director is helping me get into someone she knows personally. All I know is that all of this is making me miserable, tired and very irritable. I don't even like myself right now. I just want to feel normal!
I get my next fill on Monday, so that's good! I'm kind of laying low this weekend to rest and then next week I work all week, have rehearsals and performances next weekend. I'm tired thinking about it, but I hope I can pull it together enough to be with my choirs. I miss them!!!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Catching up
The weekend went by way too fast! It was a very good one though. Friday night I had dinner with my old boss and my old financial advisor. We ended up hanging for over three hours, just catching up on life. It was really nice. Saturday morning I slept in, did laundry and some light cleaning. Then I got my hair done with Mel and got ready for the MUSE cabaret. Man, I am in the company of some very talented ladies! Hearing some of them perform (I didn't) made me think of how much more I want to accomplish with my music. Which lead me to think about how much I don't accomplish now because I have no time for anything. Which made me think that I already take on more than I can handle. Which made me sad and made me think this:
I DO NOT want to get involved with anyone for awhile. If ever. I just can't hack it. The thought of it makes my skin crawl.
I need to start finishing projects. Weight loss and getting out of debt being the first of the projects that are in the works but not completed.
I WILL continue to improve in my music. I already sing a ton, so right now that's enough. When I have finished my other projects, I'll take on more musically.
I won't beat myself up anymore about the things I can't fix or all the things I can't be part of.
My health issues WILL be nipped in the bud ASAP.
Speaking of health issues, they are still shitty. I see the gyno again tomorrow, then the oral surgeon, then the dietician. Then next Monday I see my surgeon again for another fill! A couple of my friends keep stressing to me that I need to have them check my thyroid. I have almost every symptom of an underactive thyroid and that could explain a lot. I'm excited to hopefully start getting some relief.
After the cabaret on Saturday night, a bunch of us partied at my friend Tim's amazing house and had a blast. I slept super late yesterday which screwed me up and I didn't sleep last night. I'm a zombie today and it's terrible. I did get a work out in yesterday and got to spend some time with Mel and the girls. Luckily, I am off tomorrow so hoping I get some rest.
Ciao bellas!
I DO NOT want to get involved with anyone for awhile. If ever. I just can't hack it. The thought of it makes my skin crawl.
I need to start finishing projects. Weight loss and getting out of debt being the first of the projects that are in the works but not completed.
I WILL continue to improve in my music. I already sing a ton, so right now that's enough. When I have finished my other projects, I'll take on more musically.
I won't beat myself up anymore about the things I can't fix or all the things I can't be part of.
My health issues WILL be nipped in the bud ASAP.
Speaking of health issues, they are still shitty. I see the gyno again tomorrow, then the oral surgeon, then the dietician. Then next Monday I see my surgeon again for another fill! A couple of my friends keep stressing to me that I need to have them check my thyroid. I have almost every symptom of an underactive thyroid and that could explain a lot. I'm excited to hopefully start getting some relief.
After the cabaret on Saturday night, a bunch of us partied at my friend Tim's amazing house and had a blast. I slept super late yesterday which screwed me up and I didn't sleep last night. I'm a zombie today and it's terrible. I did get a work out in yesterday and got to spend some time with Mel and the girls. Luckily, I am off tomorrow so hoping I get some rest.
Ciao bellas!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Bored at work!
1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30 AM. :(
2. How do you like your steak? I don't like steak
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? man, it's been awhile since I've been to the cinema, but I LOVE to see movies. I think it was Breaking Dawn.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Scrubs is my favorite of all time, but right now is Glee.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Probably Germany
6. What did you have for breakfast? A Cliff Bar
7. What is your favorite food? sushi and indian food are a close tie.
8. Foods you dislike? I HATE bacon. I think radishes and bruselsprouts are the only common veggies I don't like. I hate blue cheese.
9. Favorite place to eat? My fav sushi place is green papaya
10. Favorite dressing? Ranch
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? black Hyundai Accent.
12. What are your favorite clothes? yoga pants!
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Greece, Switzerland and more of the US
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? I suppose it depends on the topic.
15. Where would you want to retire? No idea. I like to think more about the part of life where I'm living like a balla
16. Favorite time of day? morning. sunrise.
17. Where were you born? Cincinnati
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? basketball! I love it!
19. What is your favorite fragrance? Pink Sugar
20. What is your favorite face cream? Oil of Olay
21. Favorite baby/kids products? I don't buy products a lot cuz I'm not a mom yet, but I really love to do interactive things with my nephew and nieces (by default). My favorite place to take them is the Children's Museum. We have a great one here in Cincy!
22. People watcher? Yes. They're fascinating.
23. Are you a morning or night person? morning. only because that is when I have the most energy.
24. Do you have any pets? Yes. I adore cats.
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? somebody might have just gotten a promotion... but she's not officially announcing it yet! :D
26. What did you want to be when you were little? A music teacher.
27. What is your favorite memory? any memories from my Cincinnati Children's Choir days. I will always cherish those.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Cat
29. Are you married? nope.
30. Always wear your seat belt? Yes.
31. Been in a car accident? Yes. My neck is royally effed from it.
32. Any pet peeves? YES! Bad drivers and people who forget where they come from.
33. Favorite pizza toppings? Load up the veggies!!
34. Favorite flower? Gerber Daisies
35. Favorite ice cream? peanut butter n chip
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? Subway.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Once.
38. From whom did you get your last email? someone from St. John's Choir.
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? right now would probably be a home decorating store because I'm about to get crazy with making my mom's apartment cute.
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? No.
41. Like your job? it's a love hate relationship. really, it's not bad at all. the politics can make it rough sometimes.
42. Broccoli? yes pelase
43. What was your favorite vacation? Any of the overseas ones.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? I think it was my mom and sister.
45. What are you listening to right now? something on Muzak
46. What is your favorite color? purple or green
47. How many tattoos do you have? one and counting.
48. Coffee drinker? YES!
Friday, January 20, 2012
You were Romeo, I was a Scarlet letter...
This is just a random, little post. I'm working (hehe). We are surprisingly slow today. And I don't mind it at all. We've been so busy lately, I've barely had a moment of peace. I feel like I'm caught up on everything I need to do so I don't feel guilty. I love how I justify everything!
Taylor Swift is on the muzak. I love me some Taylor. I know I'm a nerd. But that lyric, from my title, really stood out to me today. It made me think of this morning on my drive into work when I was listening to the Silversun Pickups and a thought took my breath away. The thought of the one I loved still manages to do that. He was just like my Romeo. And I should not have been messed with. "Can't believe the lure was enough." I know I'm completely tangling two different songs, but both of them remind me of two relationships with one man that I'll never forget.
"And who knows
And how this feeling grows
Was it truly worth, truly worth the starting
And who knows
Why the engine's blown
Hope it's truly worth, truly worth the parting" Silversun Pickups
I am forever thankful for perfect moments with him. But I know I will have even more perfect moments with the right one someday...
There's a lot on my plate right now. A lot on my mind. I have to admit, I'm more than a little weighed down by a lot of things happening. But things will work out. I will post when I know more.
I need go to the gym tonight. There is a snow storm supposedly making it's way here in the next few hours so I'm afraid to stay in KY and get stuck down here. I can't wait until it's warmer outside and I can walk/jog outside or not be fearful of bad weather keeping me on the road.
I meet with the dietician, gyno and oral surgeon all on January 31st. It will be a very busy day, but hopefully I will have wisdom teeth surgery scheduled, some more things figured out with the gyno, and a grasp on what I'm doing right or wrong with how I'm eating. I feel like I've been very good with choosing good foods and have been eating plenty of protein and almost 100% whole foods. I have been working out when possible, but I don't feel real restriction yet. I get my next fill on February 6th. Hopefully I will feel restriction!!
I work tomorrow and then Donna and I are getting mani/pedis and having dinner for her birthday. I'm really looking forward to it. Then Sunday is church, brunch and work out with Mel day!
Have a great weekend, lovelies. <3
Taylor Swift is on the muzak. I love me some Taylor. I know I'm a nerd. But that lyric, from my title, really stood out to me today. It made me think of this morning on my drive into work when I was listening to the Silversun Pickups and a thought took my breath away. The thought of the one I loved still manages to do that. He was just like my Romeo. And I should not have been messed with. "Can't believe the lure was enough." I know I'm completely tangling two different songs, but both of them remind me of two relationships with one man that I'll never forget.
"And who knows
And how this feeling grows
Was it truly worth, truly worth the starting
And who knows
Why the engine's blown
Hope it's truly worth, truly worth the parting" Silversun Pickups
I am forever thankful for perfect moments with him. But I know I will have even more perfect moments with the right one someday...
There's a lot on my plate right now. A lot on my mind. I have to admit, I'm more than a little weighed down by a lot of things happening. But things will work out. I will post when I know more.
I need go to the gym tonight. There is a snow storm supposedly making it's way here in the next few hours so I'm afraid to stay in KY and get stuck down here. I can't wait until it's warmer outside and I can walk/jog outside or not be fearful of bad weather keeping me on the road.
I meet with the dietician, gyno and oral surgeon all on January 31st. It will be a very busy day, but hopefully I will have wisdom teeth surgery scheduled, some more things figured out with the gyno, and a grasp on what I'm doing right or wrong with how I'm eating. I feel like I've been very good with choosing good foods and have been eating plenty of protein and almost 100% whole foods. I have been working out when possible, but I don't feel real restriction yet. I get my next fill on February 6th. Hopefully I will feel restriction!!
I work tomorrow and then Donna and I are getting mani/pedis and having dinner for her birthday. I'm really looking forward to it. Then Sunday is church, brunch and work out with Mel day!
Have a great weekend, lovelies. <3
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
When it rains, it pours
If you are reading this and you reside in the greater Cincinnati area, you will know that this is the PERFECT title for this blog posting. I hate the rain, but I hate the snow WAY more. So I can't bitch too much. I know I've been a terrible blogger lately, but my plate has been chock full of bullshit, which is what I'll fill y'all in on now.
First of all, work. There might be a light at the end of this horrific tunnel. My branch has left much to be desired in the happiness department for probably the past year or more. We recently got new management, but it really hasn't changed anything. It could possibly be more annoying than ever before. I do feel fortunate to have a good paying job with amazing benefits and plenty of time off, so I've been making myself stick it out no matter how much I want to jump ship. My DM called me the other day about a possible promotion and opportunity at another branch. It's a personal banker/small business specialist position at our Eastgate office. This is a lot more responsibility, but I'm up for the challenge. I think. I've always been very interested in this particular office because it's so busy and I've always done well with the clientele on the east side of town. I interview for it tomorrow, so hopefully will know more about if and when I'll be movin on up very soon.
My health has been plaguing me again. And try as I might to be positive, I am so god damned frustrated with there always being an issue. I feel like I keep chasing my tail. If it's not one thing, it's another. My neck has been terrible lately. I have had horrible neck issues since about 2008 when an old car accident injury decided to rear it's ugly head and cause me nearly constant pain. After two massages and a few adjustments, I can hold my head up without constant pain, but it's been rough. That makes it hard to want to function at all. I just thank the universe I have great insurance and have found an incredible chiropractor and massage therapist. Right now I have the head cold from hell, but I think my constant Zicam popping is helping to clear it up pretty quickly. And the biggest issue of them all, is what's going on down below...
I have literally had issues with my periods since I started getting them as a girl. Back then, they were so terrible I had to be put on birth control at the age of 12 because they were so awful they caused me to be anemic. I stayed on the pill a very long time because I was afraid to be off of it. When I was about 20, I took a break from the pill to see what would happen. This lead to a series of events that would leave me miserable and hopeless for almost ten years. I quit having periods all together and saw a few different doctors before being diagnosed with PCOS. I've battled with different medications and treatments to ease my symptoms for years to no avail. I made the decision to have lapband surgery in hopes of finding some relief. I know it will take some time to lose all of my weight and hopefully get that relief, but I'm not having such an easy time of it right now. Long story short, I have been having constant bleeding for over a month now. I saw my gyno yesterday to try to get some answers. I now have to have a sonohysterography ultrasound done very soon. He thinks I could have a fibroid tumor or polyp. No idea. And if it is one of these lovely things, I'll have to have surgery to remove it and then hopefully go on with my life. If not, then he says I can go back on the pill, which is not an option it makes me CRAZY, or go on a drug called Lysteda to hopefully ease my periods. The way I feel about it, if there is no reason he can find for these prolonged periods, I will be going to see an endocrinologist who can hopefully get my hormones in check so that I can stop living this nightmare. Needless to say, I've felt miserable lately and have been a big bag of hormones and that, on top of everything else, has made me a lazy ass.
I also saw the dentist today because my wisdom teeth are trying to come in and are causing me pain. So, in the next few weeks I'll be having that taken care of. And I often wonder why I'm such a bitch. I guess being in constant pain has taken it's toll on me. I'm trying to smile between the tears and trying to find the silver lining. All I know is that SOMETHING has to give. And soon. I am so ready to just feel vibrant again.
What's on my horizon:
Looking forward to this weekend. It's Donna's birthday and we are having a SPA DAY! That makes me happy.
I will be heading to Ann Arbor with MUSE in March. It will be my first trip with them and I'm very excited. I love me some Michigan!
My interview is tomorrow. I'm really excited about this opportunity and I'm crossing my fingers!
Even in the midst of all these health issues, I've managed to lose about 14 pounds. It's coming slowly but surely. I can't wait until I feel better so I can really kick it into gear. I'd like to have a good 30 to 40 lbs off by the time I leave for Portland in April.
What I'm listening to: Coldplay Mylo Xyloto. I'm giving it a listen. I'm not happy with them right now because of their collaboration with Rihanna but I like the new single. And no one is perfect. :)
First of all, work. There might be a light at the end of this horrific tunnel. My branch has left much to be desired in the happiness department for probably the past year or more. We recently got new management, but it really hasn't changed anything. It could possibly be more annoying than ever before. I do feel fortunate to have a good paying job with amazing benefits and plenty of time off, so I've been making myself stick it out no matter how much I want to jump ship. My DM called me the other day about a possible promotion and opportunity at another branch. It's a personal banker/small business specialist position at our Eastgate office. This is a lot more responsibility, but I'm up for the challenge. I think. I've always been very interested in this particular office because it's so busy and I've always done well with the clientele on the east side of town. I interview for it tomorrow, so hopefully will know more about if and when I'll be movin on up very soon.
My health has been plaguing me again. And try as I might to be positive, I am so god damned frustrated with there always being an issue. I feel like I keep chasing my tail. If it's not one thing, it's another. My neck has been terrible lately. I have had horrible neck issues since about 2008 when an old car accident injury decided to rear it's ugly head and cause me nearly constant pain. After two massages and a few adjustments, I can hold my head up without constant pain, but it's been rough. That makes it hard to want to function at all. I just thank the universe I have great insurance and have found an incredible chiropractor and massage therapist. Right now I have the head cold from hell, but I think my constant Zicam popping is helping to clear it up pretty quickly. And the biggest issue of them all, is what's going on down below...
I have literally had issues with my periods since I started getting them as a girl. Back then, they were so terrible I had to be put on birth control at the age of 12 because they were so awful they caused me to be anemic. I stayed on the pill a very long time because I was afraid to be off of it. When I was about 20, I took a break from the pill to see what would happen. This lead to a series of events that would leave me miserable and hopeless for almost ten years. I quit having periods all together and saw a few different doctors before being diagnosed with PCOS. I've battled with different medications and treatments to ease my symptoms for years to no avail. I made the decision to have lapband surgery in hopes of finding some relief. I know it will take some time to lose all of my weight and hopefully get that relief, but I'm not having such an easy time of it right now. Long story short, I have been having constant bleeding for over a month now. I saw my gyno yesterday to try to get some answers. I now have to have a sonohysterography ultrasound done very soon. He thinks I could have a fibroid tumor or polyp. No idea. And if it is one of these lovely things, I'll have to have surgery to remove it and then hopefully go on with my life. If not, then he says I can go back on the pill, which is not an option it makes me CRAZY, or go on a drug called Lysteda to hopefully ease my periods. The way I feel about it, if there is no reason he can find for these prolonged periods, I will be going to see an endocrinologist who can hopefully get my hormones in check so that I can stop living this nightmare. Needless to say, I've felt miserable lately and have been a big bag of hormones and that, on top of everything else, has made me a lazy ass.
I also saw the dentist today because my wisdom teeth are trying to come in and are causing me pain. So, in the next few weeks I'll be having that taken care of. And I often wonder why I'm such a bitch. I guess being in constant pain has taken it's toll on me. I'm trying to smile between the tears and trying to find the silver lining. All I know is that SOMETHING has to give. And soon. I am so ready to just feel vibrant again.
What's on my horizon:
Looking forward to this weekend. It's Donna's birthday and we are having a SPA DAY! That makes me happy.
I will be heading to Ann Arbor with MUSE in March. It will be my first trip with them and I'm very excited. I love me some Michigan!
My interview is tomorrow. I'm really excited about this opportunity and I'm crossing my fingers!
Even in the midst of all these health issues, I've managed to lose about 14 pounds. It's coming slowly but surely. I can't wait until I feel better so I can really kick it into gear. I'd like to have a good 30 to 40 lbs off by the time I leave for Portland in April.
What I'm listening to: Coldplay Mylo Xyloto. I'm giving it a listen. I'm not happy with them right now because of their collaboration with Rihanna but I like the new single. And no one is perfect. :)
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Kreativ Blogger Award & Tag Game
My dear friend Jen just tagged me/awarded me with this "Kreativ Blogger Award." Therefore, this requires me to
Form to Complete:
1. NAME YOUR FAVORITE SONG:
It's a three-way tie between Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen, Tiny Dancer by Elton John and Just Like Heaven by The Cure. I'm so in love with them all.
2. NAME YOUR FAVORITE DESSERT: anything lemon. Lemon bars, lemon meringue pie, lemon pudding. I'm obsessed with lemon and so was my dad. It's one of the very many things we had in common.
3. WHAT TICKS ME OFF: Bigotry. Religious zealots. We are all entitled to our opinion, but that's all it is. And just like ass holes, we all have them. No one really has the answers for sure.
4. WHEN I'M UPSET I: I call my friends and bitch. I blog. I cry.
5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PET:
Cats. Simba to be exact. He is one handsome baby boy! But both Bob and Simba are pretty cute!
6. BLACK OR WHITE:
I was thinking about this earlier. I am maybe a little too over the top in love with black. My car is black, most of my clothes are black. I have tons of black purses and shoes. I just love it.
7. BIGGEST FEAR:
Losing my mom or Mason. I love them more than anyone else in the world. I also don't like thinking about when Cathy retires. It already makes me teary eyed and it isn't for a year and a half. :(
8. EVERYDAY ATTITUDE: Aside from my occasional melt down, I am very content and happy.
9. WHAT IS PERFECTION: my choirs. my church. my friends.
10. GUILTY PLEASURE:
Everything Kardashian!!!
7 Random Things About Me:
1. This isn't strange at all to me, but some people think I am crazy for not loving bacon. I hate it.
2. I recently had lap band surgery. It's finally starting to work and I'm very excited to see the results.
3. I have been a choir nerd since I was in seventh grade. The saddest years of my life were when I wasn't singing and I am so blessed to be in two amazing choirs now. Even if they do take up an exorbitant amount of my time.
4. I lost my dad in August of 2010. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him. I wish he were still here but I know he's proud of me and I feel his presence often.
5. I love to travel so much that I moved back in with my mom so I could have the money to do some traveling over the next few years.
6. One thing that makes me very sad is that I am so busy these days, I barely have time to listen to new music. I love music so much and I want to hear so much more than I have time for!!
7. I love The Killers so much it's unnatural. Sometimes I even pretend that Brandon Flowers is next to me just to feel better. LOL
Now, the tagging game....
The Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
- link back to the person who gave me this award
- complete the form below
- award 10 other blogs (& let them know)
- Share 7 random thoughts about myself.
Form to Complete:
1. NAME YOUR FAVORITE SONG:
It's a three-way tie between Thunder Road by Bruce Springsteen, Tiny Dancer by Elton John and Just Like Heaven by The Cure. I'm so in love with them all.
2. NAME YOUR FAVORITE DESSERT: anything lemon. Lemon bars, lemon meringue pie, lemon pudding. I'm obsessed with lemon and so was my dad. It's one of the very many things we had in common.
3. WHAT TICKS ME OFF: Bigotry. Religious zealots. We are all entitled to our opinion, but that's all it is. And just like ass holes, we all have them. No one really has the answers for sure.
4. WHEN I'M UPSET I: I call my friends and bitch. I blog. I cry.
5. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE PET:
Cats. Simba to be exact. He is one handsome baby boy! But both Bob and Simba are pretty cute!
6. BLACK OR WHITE:
I was thinking about this earlier. I am maybe a little too over the top in love with black. My car is black, most of my clothes are black. I have tons of black purses and shoes. I just love it.
7. BIGGEST FEAR:
Losing my mom or Mason. I love them more than anyone else in the world. I also don't like thinking about when Cathy retires. It already makes me teary eyed and it isn't for a year and a half. :(
8. EVERYDAY ATTITUDE: Aside from my occasional melt down, I am very content and happy.
9. WHAT IS PERFECTION: my choirs. my church. my friends.
10. GUILTY PLEASURE:
Everything Kardashian!!!
7 Random Things About Me:
1. This isn't strange at all to me, but some people think I am crazy for not loving bacon. I hate it.
2. I recently had lap band surgery. It's finally starting to work and I'm very excited to see the results.
3. I have been a choir nerd since I was in seventh grade. The saddest years of my life were when I wasn't singing and I am so blessed to be in two amazing choirs now. Even if they do take up an exorbitant amount of my time.
4. I lost my dad in August of 2010. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him. I wish he were still here but I know he's proud of me and I feel his presence often.
5. I love to travel so much that I moved back in with my mom so I could have the money to do some traveling over the next few years.
6. One thing that makes me very sad is that I am so busy these days, I barely have time to listen to new music. I love music so much and I want to hear so much more than I have time for!!
7. I love The Killers so much it's unnatural. Sometimes I even pretend that Brandon Flowers is next to me just to feel better. LOL
Now, the tagging game....
The Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you've tagged them.
11 More Things About Me:
1.I have been in the banking industry for over three years. It is very hard but can be very rewarding.
2. I feel lucky that I have experienced crazy, mad, love.
3. I want to have a baby someday. A little girl.
4. I miss Tori Amos. It's been about 4 years since I've seen her live. Her music was a best friend to me whenever I've needed her so many times.
5. I love cats so much, I'd have a cat house if I could.
6. I want to do more. I'm hoping that very soon I'll be able to find time to do more volunteer work. Helping people is the best.
7. I'm very emotional. I feel everything. It's good sometimes, but sometimes very annoying.
8. I love my nephew Mason so much, I can't even imagine how much I'll love my own someday.
9. My style is very classic. I don't feel like it's changed too much over the years, but just enough to stay in fashion. I think I'll get more experimental once I lose weight.
10. I miss Jen and Andy. Soo much. Especially how much fun we had in our carefree days.
11. I miss Tim. Everyday. I just wish I could share my life with him but I know I can't.
My Answers to Jen's Questions:
1. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
I have no idea. That is scary and exhilarating at the same time.
2. What do you do for fun?
I LOVE to see live shows. Either concerts or Broadway. I'd do it everyday if I could.
3. What was your favorite album in high school?
Pieces of You by Jewel. I think it was the soundtrack to my entire high school experience.
4. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
Taco Bell. YUMMMMMMMY
5. What is the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon?
Brunching with Mel and then hanging with Mason
6. What is the best Christmas present you ever got?
A guitar from my dad. He always listened and he always supported my music more than anyone else.
7. What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
Winnie the Pooh
8. If you won a million dollars, what would you buy?
A house. I'd get debt free and save the rest. A million dollars doesn't go very far these days.
9. Where would you like to retire?
Possibly Germany. I don't really know. Maybe Greece.
10. If you could be an animal for a day, what would you be?
Umm a cat. LOL. Like that was even a surprise.
11. Would you ever want to have kids? How many? Yes. I'd like one.
My questions for you:
1. Who is the most influential person in your life?
2. What makes you the happiest?
3. Who is your favorite band of all time?
4. What is your sign? Do you think you fit the description?
5. How did you meet the person you fell the deepest in love with?
6. What is your favorite book?
7. Name the place you wish to visit the most.
8. Where do you think you are most talented?
9. What is one thing you think you could do to make the world a better place?
10. Who do you miss?
11. What is your favorite meal to cook?
Who I'm Tagging:
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Last Woman Standing
I think it's a combination of many,many things that is making me super emo right now. I am crying as I write this because I want to scream at the top of my lungs FUCK IT ALL!!!!!!!!!! No matter what I do or how much I try to be a good person, it does not matter. Aside from my few really really good friends, I am the loneliest person I know. Maybe that is why I crave community the way I do. Maybe that is why I need my choirs and I need my church and why I need people by my side all the time. I think that during those times, I am able to pretend that I'm not really alone. During those times, I can fill the void with just enough human interaction and human touch to get me through until I have a moment like this.
It's plain and simple. I am almost 30 years old. I'm fat. I have terrible credit. I live in a shithole with my mother. And I'm alone. Most days I can pretend that my life is awesome. But then it all comes down to the fact that I feel like I should be farther than I am now. I feel like I should have more. I feel like I deserve more. I want someone to love me and I think that I deserve that for all the fucking love I've given and not had in return. I feel like I have tons of qualities men say they are looking for, but really they just want hot tits and ass and very little brains. I'm sick of being the token "nice, fat girl." What a great girl to be friends with, right?
And this is exactly why I turn to gay men for everything. They get me. They like what I like, they give a fuck or at least pretend. They will always be my "date" when I never have one for anything, and they're always there to talk and listen. They make me feel not so alone. They make me feel like I have a place in the world. They make me feel pretty and talented which is more than I can say for any straight man I've ever encountered.
I am working hard on the new me. I won't fail and I promise myself that won't happen. I am going through some health stuff right now and emotional stuff from having a major operation and I feel as though it doesn't matter. No one cares. And if tomorrow I just didn't wake up, who really would? I know that's drastic, but that is how I feel tonight. Sick of being the third wheel. Sick of not being part of the "in" crowd. Sick of being the last single girl I know.
It's plain and simple. I am almost 30 years old. I'm fat. I have terrible credit. I live in a shithole with my mother. And I'm alone. Most days I can pretend that my life is awesome. But then it all comes down to the fact that I feel like I should be farther than I am now. I feel like I should have more. I feel like I deserve more. I want someone to love me and I think that I deserve that for all the fucking love I've given and not had in return. I feel like I have tons of qualities men say they are looking for, but really they just want hot tits and ass and very little brains. I'm sick of being the token "nice, fat girl." What a great girl to be friends with, right?
And this is exactly why I turn to gay men for everything. They get me. They like what I like, they give a fuck or at least pretend. They will always be my "date" when I never have one for anything, and they're always there to talk and listen. They make me feel not so alone. They make me feel like I have a place in the world. They make me feel pretty and talented which is more than I can say for any straight man I've ever encountered.
I am working hard on the new me. I won't fail and I promise myself that won't happen. I am going through some health stuff right now and emotional stuff from having a major operation and I feel as though it doesn't matter. No one cares. And if tomorrow I just didn't wake up, who really would? I know that's drastic, but that is how I feel tonight. Sick of being the third wheel. Sick of not being part of the "in" crowd. Sick of being the last single girl I know.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Oh bother
Today was a challenge. I didn't falter though, even though I wanted to. Work was just... awful.
Called the boy. He is completely uninterested. And I don't blame him. But I know I don't need that kind of distraction right now anyway.
I just need some kind of sign that this desolate feeling won't last long. I have such high hopes for you, 2012!
Called the boy. He is completely uninterested. And I don't blame him. But I know I don't need that kind of distraction right now anyway.
I just need some kind of sign that this desolate feeling won't last long. I have such high hopes for you, 2012!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Day One
Today was my first official day of the healthier me. I decided that I would cut waaaaaaay back on sugar and try to stick to whole foods only. I know that with preparation and dedication I can do this. I'm basically cutting out most carbs, bread, pasta, most rice and grains. I will miss cereal the most, but this is temporary until I can kickstart my weight loss. I also know that my body works best when I don't eat simple carbohydrates. If I don't eat sugar, I don't crave sugar. Now I will be having white rice on the rare occasion because there's no way I can give up sushi or Indian food. Oh no way. Yummmmmm. My mouth is watering just thinking about it!
I also started back to the gym tonight. I've been lucky enough that with the holiday madness and eating like a cow that I actually maintained the weight I lost before surgery. No more loss, but no gain and I'll take that. I worked out tonight for the first time since before surgery. It wasn't too bad. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine and 15 minutes on the treadmill. My back has been bothering me lately or I would have done more. I need to make it a point to start seeing my chiropractor more. I feel like overall I did well today. I ate all whole foods and did work out. I do crave sugar some right now, but I know that will get better over time. I get my first fill on Monday and can't wait!! I'm going to keep tracking my progress so that I can be accountable to not just me and I know that will help. :) 2012, I am ready!!!
I also started back to the gym tonight. I've been lucky enough that with the holiday madness and eating like a cow that I actually maintained the weight I lost before surgery. No more loss, but no gain and I'll take that. I worked out tonight for the first time since before surgery. It wasn't too bad. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine and 15 minutes on the treadmill. My back has been bothering me lately or I would have done more. I need to make it a point to start seeing my chiropractor more. I feel like overall I did well today. I ate all whole foods and did work out. I do crave sugar some right now, but I know that will get better over time. I get my first fill on Monday and can't wait!! I'm going to keep tracking my progress so that I can be accountable to not just me and I know that will help. :) 2012, I am ready!!!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Life...
Wanna know what totally blows?
Finding out you've wanted something all this time. You had no idea, but now that it's here, that primal longing for it is so intense, it's like it's always been there.
But there's not a chance, my friend. Not a chance.
Finding out you've wanted something all this time. You had no idea, but now that it's here, that primal longing for it is so intense, it's like it's always been there.
But there's not a chance, my friend. Not a chance.
Well, hello 2012!!
Ready, set.... GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I must say, I don't think I've been this stoked about a new year in a long time. Yes, I always love the promise of the new year and always hope for the best, but this year is just... different. Different because I know that this year means big changes and NOTHING is getting in my way. No resolutions for me. Only things that I know I WILL accomplish. Here's what I will do:
I WILL lose my weight. All of it.
I WILL be more present in my life. I WILL talk to the people I love more. Not just facebook them or text them, but actually talk to them.
I WILL get debt free.
I WILL let go of self doubt and negativity.
I WILL work harder at work and make the best of it.
I WILL make better decisions, all around.
Today is my last day of my little mini break. It's been nice. It's very hard for me to unwind, but I did manage it. Today I will be going to the grocery store, organizing crap I don't need in my room, cooking for the next couple days and making sure I am all ready for this new me. Not to go into too much detail, but I am having some health issues and need to make some DR appointments today, too. I want to nip this all in the bud as soon as possible!
With all this being said, I am going to post my official "BEFORE" pic. That way I have something to reference every time I hit a milestone or just feel like I'm getting defeated. I will be posting more and more too. I'm going to stop using facebook so much. Just going to take it off my phone so it doesn't waste so much time. I want to post more and read more and be present more. Thank you, lovely followers for your support!!
I must say, I don't think I've been this stoked about a new year in a long time. Yes, I always love the promise of the new year and always hope for the best, but this year is just... different. Different because I know that this year means big changes and NOTHING is getting in my way. No resolutions for me. Only things that I know I WILL accomplish. Here's what I will do:
I WILL lose my weight. All of it.
I WILL be more present in my life. I WILL talk to the people I love more. Not just facebook them or text them, but actually talk to them.
I WILL get debt free.
I WILL let go of self doubt and negativity.
I WILL work harder at work and make the best of it.
I WILL make better decisions, all around.
Today is my last day of my little mini break. It's been nice. It's very hard for me to unwind, but I did manage it. Today I will be going to the grocery store, organizing crap I don't need in my room, cooking for the next couple days and making sure I am all ready for this new me. Not to go into too much detail, but I am having some health issues and need to make some DR appointments today, too. I want to nip this all in the bud as soon as possible!
With all this being said, I am going to post my official "BEFORE" pic. That way I have something to reference every time I hit a milestone or just feel like I'm getting defeated. I will be posting more and more too. I'm going to stop using facebook so much. Just going to take it off my phone so it doesn't waste so much time. I want to post more and read more and be present more. Thank you, lovely followers for your support!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)