Commitment

I have to say one thing for my best friend, Melanie.  Although her one hour to two hour process of making herself beautiful can drive me up a WALL, she is committed to it.  She always looks beautiful.  She is the kind of girl that gets ready to go to bed.  She does her nails while we are boating.  She looks flawless all the effing time!  It's one of the things I love to hate about her, but honestly, makes me love and admire her even more.

So I have decided that I am tired of looking frumpy.  I need to forgo that extra 15 minutes of laying in bed half asleep in the morning to actually get up and fix my hair.  I need to put my make up on all the way.  This isn't for the benefit of anyone other than myself.  When I look good, I feel good.  That's just a fact.

Andy was down for Thanksgiving so we did a little bit of shopping last night.  We were in search of ugly holiday sweaters for our Christmas party next weekend at Donna's, so we stopped at Goodwill.  I found these Bandolino heels for $7!!!  I was so excited!!  I can't wait until spring when I'm thin and pretty and can wear a cute little skirt or dress with these shoes for a night out on the town.  I'm so committed to looking and feeling beautiful every day.  I dyed my hair redder yesterday and spent a few bucks on some new make up and a tanning package.  I'm feeling so good that I might go to the gym a couple times this week, even if it's just to ride the bike or walk.  I'm so excited that this process is under way!


Today is Breaking Dawn with Mel.  Can't wait!  Working tomorrow and then MUSE rehearsal.  Haven't seen my ladies since our big concerts so I'm excited to get back to them.  <3

Happy Sunday!

Gobble gobble goo and gobble gobble giggle

It's the day after the celebratory day of thanks we Americans have every year.  What is also the biggest day of glutony, gorging ourselves until we are literally sick, and forcing ourselves to hang out with people we otherwise wouldn't even see ourselves in public with.  That's right, Thanksgiving!  Previous years I would have been one of those people who would have done just that.  I would eat and eat and eat until I was sick.  Luckily, this year wasn't like that at all.  I did manage to eat a little bit of mashed potatoes, a small amount of smashed sweet potato and a tiny bit of banana pudding.  I was happy to not be feeding my face all day.  It was nice to have friends and family around and just enjoy watching movies together and cathing up.  From here on out, things will be very very different.  I couldn't be more excited!

I'm back to work.  Today is exactly a week since surgery.  I feel pretty good.  My incisions are healing nicely and I'm already down about 12 pounds.  I can't wait to get back in the gym and have energy again.  I actually feel pretty energetic.  People kept saying how tired I would be but I don't think I've felt that at all.  Of course I did the first couple of days but that was because of the pain killers.  Melanie and I went shopping the other night and it felt great to just walk around.  I'm certain that in the next couple of weeks I will at least be able to walk the treadmill and ride the bike at the gym. 

I'm also very excited about work.  We have a new manager, new assistant manager, and hopefully a new teller.  Nicole will be finished training after next Friday and will be back the following Monday.  I think things could really get a lot better here.  I'm trying to have a more positive attitude about it all.  I'm trying to be more thankful and to express it more.  I'm trying to not always be the debby downer of the branch, constantly bitching and moaning about dealing with people.  It's my job.  Whether they are idiots or not, they are the reason I have a job.  The next coming year is going to be so exciting.  I can't wait!

The Long and Winding Road

So I did it.  I had the surgery.  And, of course, there were some complications, because that's how I roll.  When they went in to perform the surgery, they found that I had a hiatal hernia.  What that means is my diaphragm was separating from my stomach.  They were asking if I'd had shortness of breath or any nausea or indigestion lately.  And I have, I just figured it was because I was so fat and had been eating like crap.  They had to open me up to repair that so I have one huge scar across my belly in addition to the 4 scars from the lap band.  Not that it's a huge deal to me, it's not.  It's just that where they had to cut is a lot more painful and will take longer to heal than just the normal surgery would have.  :(

I am going to wait until Friday to go back to work.  I was going to go back tomorrow (Tuesday), but I'm not ready yet.  At this point I actually feel as though I need medicine if I'm awake and moving.  I can totally tell when it wears off and it makes me too drowsy to be on it at work.  It's all good though.  Our new branch manager is very good and understanding and I know that the branch will be ok without me there.  I know I need to take this time to get some much needed rest and get my strength back.

Mel is off Wednesday so she is going to come hang out and take me to the grocery store and get me moving around a little bit.  I'm not really hungry at all, just sometimes miss chewing.  I am on all liquid for the next few weeks and then the doctor will tell me when I can switch to soft and blended foods.  I'm hoping I get to see him this week and will get to see how much more I've lost!

The surgery was not fun.  It was definitely more painful than I had anticipated, but I will make sure that every second of pain was worth it.  I am so excited for the next chapter of my life!  I honestly feel like everything I've been asking the universe for is being granted and I couldn't be happier.

The afterglow and looking toward the future

Today is Monday.  But it's not an ordinary Monday.  Not for me.  It's the Monday after my first concert series with MUSE.  Granted, I've been singing in choirs my whole life and have been singing in an amazing choir for the past couple of years, but MUSE really is different.  There's a bond there that runs deeper than anything I've had in other choirs.  CCC had a bond too, but we were young.  There were a few girls I formed close relationships with and there are memories from those days that I will cherish forever, but this grown up womanly love is different.  As of right now there are 72 muses.  We vary from women in their 70's to our youngest being 21.  We are all shapes, sizes, colors, creeds and of different sexual orientations.  We embrace one another as if we have known each other for ages.  As if our histories include each other.  No beginning.  No end.  It is beautiful.  Our concerts were delicious.  We spent endless hours learning, memorizing, perfecting and learning to feel the music.  We pleased our crowds and ourselves.  My heart swelled with pride so many times that I actually choked from it!  Really really missed Dad yesterday.  Seeing my mom and sister in the crowd without him just wasn't the same.  I know he would be so proud and I know that somehow, he was there with us.  Rooting us on and loving every chord and every harmony we produced.  I am blessed beyond belief to be part of this group.  Rhonda, our MUSE blue police chief, was saying yesterday that she wasn't close to her parents and that god gave her a chosen, adopted family to fulfill her needs.  I think we all feel a little bit of that.

This day is also the last Monday before my lap band surgery.  I am so excited that it is finally happening this weekend!  I feel like everything is coming to fruition.  I have my choir now.  I have my family.  My mom is finally pulling out of her depression and watching my Mason grow up is so fun and amazing.  I have a good job and should be out of debt within the next year to year and a half.  I'm getting ready to do some traveling with the groups I love.  And most importantly, I am finally going to be able to be 100% healthy diva!!  I can't wait to be fit and more active.  I'm excited to feel better all the time.  I'm stoked for my feet and legs to not hurt from performing and for my back to not ache every night when I get home.  I'm ready to be beautiful again and feel confident again about who I am.  I know this is exactly the tool I need to make it happen.  I can honestly say I am very happy with where my life is right here.  Right now.  I'm loving every second and can't wait to make even more beautiful memories in the years to come.  I'm definitely going to post more and try to keep everyone posted on my progess from my blog.  Cheers to life!!  Here's to making every moment count!!!