Amelie from Montmartre

I'm consumed in a day of nothingness.  I haven't had a day to just do nothing in so long, it's bliss.  Since I'm doing nothing, I decided to watch Amelie today.  It brings about so many different emotions for me.  It brings great memories of the past.  Jen and I used to watch it together.  And two old friends, Duante and Rachel, used to watch it with me too.  It makes me want to believe in love.  It makes me giggle.  It makes me sappy.  It makes me hopeful.  I haven't visited the subject of love very much on here, but what the hell?

I consider myself one of those fortunate people who have experienced true love.  True, I have lost it, and more than once, but I had it.  And it lives within me.  I am thankful for that.  The pain of losing it made me wonder so many times if the happiness was worth it, but it was.  I cherish those moments.  Lately, I have found myself cherishing them even more.  I feel as though I'm finally in a place where my heart is healing and I can look back and laugh and smile and think about how happy I was.  I think about how not everyone can stay forever.  And they shouldn't.  And each person comes into our lives to teach us something or give us what we need at that point in time. I hope this means that I will be ready when the right one comes along.

I'm a very emotional girl.  This movie got me thinking about those gorgeous moments in my history and some tears were shed.  I miss my one true love all the time.  But I carry him with me, like I always knew I would.  And I love that my life is right on track now.  On a side note, I was crying at church the other night, and JJ, my best friend's brother's son, told Zoey that I was crying tears of joy.  And I laughed out loud.  Because he was right.  And I was so thankful for where I was at that very moment.

Christmas was great.  Everyone was very pleased with their gifts and I got to spend tons of time with my nephew, Mason.  He is my little buddy.  He is so funny and is getting so big!  He is also obsessed with Spongebob.  LOL.  Good times were had by all.  I go back to work tomorrow and then I have a nice little long weekend next week.  I am ready!!

Unitarian Universalism!!!

I promise to write a proper blog today or tomorrow because I want to talk about my amazing solstice weekend, BUT I was browsing my friend Jen's blog for a bit and thought she wrote some pretty incredible things about my (our) faith. She and I butted heads for awhile about our religious views.  I knew that I wasn't Christian almost immediately after high school and started my research a little earlier.  Once we both were questioning, our journeys to discover our own truth became one journey together.  I feel so blessed to have friends who not only accept that I am not a Christian just cuz that's what I was told to be.  I am fortunate that some of my friends embrace this faith as now their own.  I know it brings me incredible joy, and brings joy for my friends that attend. The past two and a half years as a member of St. John's Unitarian Universalist Church in Cincinnati have been some of the best years of my life.  I don't know how I would have gotten through the loss of my dad, the end of a very meaningful relationship with the man I planned to spend my life with, and my best friend moving away, without this place. And I don't want to forget to mention the music that inspires me!!  Here is what she had to say and I think it is perfect:

"I figured I'd let you in on some of my beliefs. I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I was raised Lutheran, but while attending JCC, I took a Comparative Religion class, & began questioning it all. I've also had a Philosophy class before & as a girl who believed everything she was taught, I was pissed. It made me mad, but it also made me think. So this class did the same. I thought, I considered. I really liked Shinto, the national religion of Japan. They really respect the Earth (this was after my ES class). Around that time, Beki, asked if I would go to this new church she found. She said it was unlike anything she had heard of before & she wanted to check it out. So, we went. It was incredible. We went a few times, & there was this great sense of community. People didn't care where you came from or what you drove, how much or how little money you had. They were just happy that you were there. They were interested in learning the truth. One time, there was a sermon that was completely about the Beatles, and their message of love & unity. I was blown away. I couldn't believe that this still existed in this world of hate & greed. That this love, reverence & respect for each other & the Earth still existed among intelligent people. I'm getting all misty just thinking about it. No church I had ever been to in my entire life was like this & I had been to a lot of churches (Southern Baptist, non-denominational, Lutheran, Catholic....etc).

These are the 7 basic principles of the UU faith:

• The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
• Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
• Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
• A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
• The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
• The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
• Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

You can find that info & more here"


This is the faith that speaks to me.  It allows me to follow my own path.  I am so thankful.

Ramblings

I know I haven't written in a bit, but things have been totally nuts.  I literally feel so run down that I called in sick today just for a "me" day.  I really do have a sinus infection, but nothing I couldn't work with.  I feel that life is so chaotic right now that I just need some time to regroup.  So here I am,  snuggling in my bed with Bobby and Tosh.0 to keep me company.  I swear I'm going to get up in a bit and actually do some cleaning and organizing.  Promise.  :)

I had a great weekend.  It was just very busy.  Friday night I ran some errands after work and came home and crashed hard.  I think I fell asleep at like 9.  I worked Saturday and flew to CCM afterward for Cincinnati Children's Choir's Feast of Carols.  It was amazeballs, as always.  These kids are fierce.  They don't miss a beat, I tell ya!  Makes my heart swell with pride to know that this organization that began when I was in JR high, has gone from singing in church basements to sharing the stage with the most talented people in the city, the Pops, and Cincinnati Opera.  Really makes me sad too because I wish I had gone on to be a director and that I was the one leading these children...  Anyway, I had sushi with my friend Kelly after the show.  She and I were very close when we were choir kids.  We have occasionally seen each other over the past 12 years but haven't caught up like we did the other day.  What a gift!  I love reconnecting with old friends.  Especially old friends that share the best memories of my life with me.  I have to say, the gifts I've been receiving lately have been so great and I am so thankful for them all!

After dinner, I did a little bit of shopping (I'm 98% done now, yay!) and was too exhausted to do anything after such a long day.  I stayed in with my mom Saturday night and watched some movies, did some reading and went to bed early again.  Had brunch with my friend Jason Sunday morning and spent the rest of the day with Mel and the girls.  I got to see Mason that evening too, but not for long enough.  I'm hoping this weekend he and I can do something special together.  I've been missing my little guy.

As I said before, today is for regrouping.  I have some organizing to do, laundry, putting up the tree and want to get to the tanning bed and maybe the movies today.  I'm jones-in to see Like Crazy!

love, peace and hair grease!

And Music and Singing Shall be my Light

I just wanted to take a few, brief moments (sorr, at work) and wax a little more about my favorite thing on the planet. Yep, that would be singing.  Tis the season for my choirs to keep me uber busy with rehearsals and performances almost constantly.  At the beginning of this month, I realized that I literally don't have a free day until new year's eve!  People think I am nuts.  They are always asking me why I do it and how I manage my hectic life.  Some people can't understand this passion.  Some can, but that is because they are passionate people and they crave something the way I do.  Truth is, I do it because I have to.  It's like oxygen to me.  The years when I wasn't singing were the darkest years of my life.  My mind and soul know what they need to get by.

MUSE sang at Evergreen Retirement home last night.  I did tons of this kind of thing when I was younger and had no appreciation of the impact of it all, but last night was different.  I was very moved to see people with tears in their eyes and huge smiles on their faces because of our music.  It was a gift to them and myself.

St. John's is doing some INCREDIBLE music for Winter Solstice.  Malcolm Dalglish, a genius composer and hammer dulcimer player, is coming to be our guest artist and I'm so excited because I got to work with him when I was a teenager.  Can't wait to do it again.  Very excited about the entire solstice celebration we are having at church this year and not putting all the focus on Christmas.

I'll try to write another post tomorrow when I'm off.  Better get back to work!

Friday pants

This week has been crizzazzzzzzy.  Work is going really well.  We've actually been pretty busy and I had a kick ass November!  I made enough money just in my bonus for November to pay for my trip to Colorado in July.  I am so beyond thankful for that.  Also going to Oregon with Jen and Mel in the spring and Put in Bay with Andy, Donna and Thom for Memorial Day.  So looking forward to doing some much needed traveling.   Finally!

Short blog tonight.  Wanted to update since I haven't this week.  I'm still on the mend.  Healing quite well.  I just get tired very easily.  My choirs are uber demanding but I love every second.  Work is actually working me.  I like that too, but all the more reason to be in bed at 8 PM on Friday night.  I am in, what I so lovingly call, my Friday pants.  Friday pants are my most comfortable, favorite, amazing lounge pants EVER!

Maybe this is what 30 looks like.  I know I'm not technically there yet, but it's breathing down my neck.  Maybe 30 is where I bust my ass daily to achieve financial stability and bust my ass nightly to create perfect harmonic chords with the people that inspire me and where I get down and dirty with turning this body into a hot one.  Maybe my Friday nights in my Friday pants are exactly what I need to rejuvenate just enough to have some sort of social life on the weekend.  Maybe (and I do suspect this is the case) this is exactly where I need to be.  The idea is thrilling.  I'm not even being sarcastic, for once. I'm in such a good place and I love it.

I made a new playlist the other day.  Thank you Jen for recommending some kick ass tunes.  I call this Day Off because that's what day it was and I'm not clever.  I'm diggin it.  Here it is.  As I listen more, I may be able to talk more about what kind of vibes I'm getting from the bands.


Grouplove  Tongue Tied

Atlas Genius  Trojans

Carina Round  For Everything a Reason

Regina Spektor  The Flowers

Maps and Atlases  You and Me and the Mountain

Birdy  Shelter

Fleet Foxes  Mykonos

Chairlift  Bruises

Eisley  I Wish

nearLY  All is Lost

Two Door Cinema  Something Good Can Work

Vampire Weekend  Ottomon



Now I will admit, some of these I have already been listening to forever.  But they make me happy and just felt right for this playlist.  I never really have a method to my madness.  It always works out though.  I've been told my playlists always end up feeling like a record.  What can I say?  It's a gift.  :)

Commitment

I have to say one thing for my best friend, Melanie.  Although her one hour to two hour process of making herself beautiful can drive me up a WALL, she is committed to it.  She always looks beautiful.  She is the kind of girl that gets ready to go to bed.  She does her nails while we are boating.  She looks flawless all the effing time!  It's one of the things I love to hate about her, but honestly, makes me love and admire her even more.

So I have decided that I am tired of looking frumpy.  I need to forgo that extra 15 minutes of laying in bed half asleep in the morning to actually get up and fix my hair.  I need to put my make up on all the way.  This isn't for the benefit of anyone other than myself.  When I look good, I feel good.  That's just a fact.

Andy was down for Thanksgiving so we did a little bit of shopping last night.  We were in search of ugly holiday sweaters for our Christmas party next weekend at Donna's, so we stopped at Goodwill.  I found these Bandolino heels for $7!!!  I was so excited!!  I can't wait until spring when I'm thin and pretty and can wear a cute little skirt or dress with these shoes for a night out on the town.  I'm so committed to looking and feeling beautiful every day.  I dyed my hair redder yesterday and spent a few bucks on some new make up and a tanning package.  I'm feeling so good that I might go to the gym a couple times this week, even if it's just to ride the bike or walk.  I'm so excited that this process is under way!


Today is Breaking Dawn with Mel.  Can't wait!  Working tomorrow and then MUSE rehearsal.  Haven't seen my ladies since our big concerts so I'm excited to get back to them.  <3

Happy Sunday!

Gobble gobble goo and gobble gobble giggle

It's the day after the celebratory day of thanks we Americans have every year.  What is also the biggest day of glutony, gorging ourselves until we are literally sick, and forcing ourselves to hang out with people we otherwise wouldn't even see ourselves in public with.  That's right, Thanksgiving!  Previous years I would have been one of those people who would have done just that.  I would eat and eat and eat until I was sick.  Luckily, this year wasn't like that at all.  I did manage to eat a little bit of mashed potatoes, a small amount of smashed sweet potato and a tiny bit of banana pudding.  I was happy to not be feeding my face all day.  It was nice to have friends and family around and just enjoy watching movies together and cathing up.  From here on out, things will be very very different.  I couldn't be more excited!

I'm back to work.  Today is exactly a week since surgery.  I feel pretty good.  My incisions are healing nicely and I'm already down about 12 pounds.  I can't wait to get back in the gym and have energy again.  I actually feel pretty energetic.  People kept saying how tired I would be but I don't think I've felt that at all.  Of course I did the first couple of days but that was because of the pain killers.  Melanie and I went shopping the other night and it felt great to just walk around.  I'm certain that in the next couple of weeks I will at least be able to walk the treadmill and ride the bike at the gym. 

I'm also very excited about work.  We have a new manager, new assistant manager, and hopefully a new teller.  Nicole will be finished training after next Friday and will be back the following Monday.  I think things could really get a lot better here.  I'm trying to have a more positive attitude about it all.  I'm trying to be more thankful and to express it more.  I'm trying to not always be the debby downer of the branch, constantly bitching and moaning about dealing with people.  It's my job.  Whether they are idiots or not, they are the reason I have a job.  The next coming year is going to be so exciting.  I can't wait!

The Long and Winding Road

So I did it.  I had the surgery.  And, of course, there were some complications, because that's how I roll.  When they went in to perform the surgery, they found that I had a hiatal hernia.  What that means is my diaphragm was separating from my stomach.  They were asking if I'd had shortness of breath or any nausea or indigestion lately.  And I have, I just figured it was because I was so fat and had been eating like crap.  They had to open me up to repair that so I have one huge scar across my belly in addition to the 4 scars from the lap band.  Not that it's a huge deal to me, it's not.  It's just that where they had to cut is a lot more painful and will take longer to heal than just the normal surgery would have.  :(

I am going to wait until Friday to go back to work.  I was going to go back tomorrow (Tuesday), but I'm not ready yet.  At this point I actually feel as though I need medicine if I'm awake and moving.  I can totally tell when it wears off and it makes me too drowsy to be on it at work.  It's all good though.  Our new branch manager is very good and understanding and I know that the branch will be ok without me there.  I know I need to take this time to get some much needed rest and get my strength back.

Mel is off Wednesday so she is going to come hang out and take me to the grocery store and get me moving around a little bit.  I'm not really hungry at all, just sometimes miss chewing.  I am on all liquid for the next few weeks and then the doctor will tell me when I can switch to soft and blended foods.  I'm hoping I get to see him this week and will get to see how much more I've lost!

The surgery was not fun.  It was definitely more painful than I had anticipated, but I will make sure that every second of pain was worth it.  I am so excited for the next chapter of my life!  I honestly feel like everything I've been asking the universe for is being granted and I couldn't be happier.

The afterglow and looking toward the future

Today is Monday.  But it's not an ordinary Monday.  Not for me.  It's the Monday after my first concert series with MUSE.  Granted, I've been singing in choirs my whole life and have been singing in an amazing choir for the past couple of years, but MUSE really is different.  There's a bond there that runs deeper than anything I've had in other choirs.  CCC had a bond too, but we were young.  There were a few girls I formed close relationships with and there are memories from those days that I will cherish forever, but this grown up womanly love is different.  As of right now there are 72 muses.  We vary from women in their 70's to our youngest being 21.  We are all shapes, sizes, colors, creeds and of different sexual orientations.  We embrace one another as if we have known each other for ages.  As if our histories include each other.  No beginning.  No end.  It is beautiful.  Our concerts were delicious.  We spent endless hours learning, memorizing, perfecting and learning to feel the music.  We pleased our crowds and ourselves.  My heart swelled with pride so many times that I actually choked from it!  Really really missed Dad yesterday.  Seeing my mom and sister in the crowd without him just wasn't the same.  I know he would be so proud and I know that somehow, he was there with us.  Rooting us on and loving every chord and every harmony we produced.  I am blessed beyond belief to be part of this group.  Rhonda, our MUSE blue police chief, was saying yesterday that she wasn't close to her parents and that god gave her a chosen, adopted family to fulfill her needs.  I think we all feel a little bit of that.

This day is also the last Monday before my lap band surgery.  I am so excited that it is finally happening this weekend!  I feel like everything is coming to fruition.  I have my choir now.  I have my family.  My mom is finally pulling out of her depression and watching my Mason grow up is so fun and amazing.  I have a good job and should be out of debt within the next year to year and a half.  I'm getting ready to do some traveling with the groups I love.  And most importantly, I am finally going to be able to be 100% healthy diva!!  I can't wait to be fit and more active.  I'm excited to feel better all the time.  I'm stoked for my feet and legs to not hurt from performing and for my back to not ache every night when I get home.  I'm ready to be beautiful again and feel confident again about who I am.  I know this is exactly the tool I need to make it happen.  I can honestly say I am very happy with where my life is right here.  Right now.  I'm loving every second and can't wait to make even more beautiful memories in the years to come.  I'm definitely going to post more and try to keep everyone posted on my progess from my blog.  Cheers to life!!  Here's to making every moment count!!!